A Meditation on Friendship

by Barry Howard

A man that has friends must first show himself friendly; and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24


The wisdom writer pre-supposes that for most of life, human beings are going to be engaged in dynamic human relationships. In a highly competitive world where individuals are dominated by self-interest, how do you keep relationships healthy and growing? Sustainable friendship is a gift from God.

What is a friend? One writer answered this way: Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities, and in opening them up to friends, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of their loyalty. They understand. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse them, neglect them, tolerate them. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all--and underneath--they see, know, and love you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.

Churches are built on both faith and friendship. Members of a congregation are actually diverse friends from a variety of backgrounds who stick together in tough times, who bring out the best in each other, and who collaborate in missional effort, despite their differences, out of obedience to a common faith conviction.

Maybe, the Quakers have it right in referring to their faith community as “The Society of Friends.”

During these days of learning to bring out the best in others, treasure the friendships you have, and look forward to making new friends in the days ahead. Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, “So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.”

Maintaining a good friendship requires grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance. E.C. McKenzie observed that “some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble.” I contend that true friendship is worth the labor.

(Barry Howard serves as senior minister of the First Baptist Church of Pensacola.)